A fellow blogger, Will Deyamport, asked me this question last week, when we realized that we had differing views, we decided to write up our opinions and let you all decide who you agree with. Since Will is my guest, I will let him lead the response…
Should men pay for dates?
How can I say this as gingerly as possible? Dating is a bad investment for men. Dinner and a movie can cost between $50 to $70. That’s just dinner and a movie. What about an exhibit opening, a play, a concert, etc? Throw in dinner and those dates could cost between $100 to $250. And if a dude takes a woman out on three or four dates, he could be out $500. That’s more than I pay for rent.
Dating is supposed to be about getting to know one another. But, the money issue has turned it into a game. Instead of two people just enjoying each other’s company or reveling in a new experience or discovering something new about themselves, it has become a series of financial transactions and high stakes expectations. Whether it is the woman expecting to be wined and dined (no McDonald’s) or the man expecting to be compensated in booty, the money involved in dating is getting in the way of people connecting.
Then there is the whole equality thing. If you believe in total equality between men and women, then you should believe that women should pay for dates or at least go half. In the 21st century, there is no place for the archaic practice of men paying for dates. Especially, in a time in which more women are graduating from college than men and when there are more women CEOs, governors, executives, department heads, and entrepreneurs than ever. It is time for women to start picking up the tab.
One day I was in Wendy’s and this guy comes up to me and asks if I will buy his food. I quickly responded, “No.” He then replied, “but you would be ok if I bought your food?” to which I replied, “Yes.”
I believe in traditional male and female relationship roles and in my opinion, the man should want to provide for and protect his woman. If you can’t afford to take a woman to a five star restaurant and can only afford McDonald’s then that’s where you should go. If she can’t appreciate that, she obviously is not the woman for you and you are not the man for her. If you continue to overspend to impress her, you are setting yourself up for failure because the relationship has a low probabilty of lasting. Many men are so consumed with trying to impress a woman, that they have lost sight of the true purpose of a date which is to get to know each other. If all you feel you have to offer is money, don’t be surprised if that’s all she cares about.
When a guy asks me out, I never tell him where to take me on the date. I let him take me where he feels comfortable or where he thinks I would enjoy. It is very obvious if the location is outside of his price range or comfort zone which is a sign that he is being fake and no matter how much money he is spending, I lose interest. A man’s ability to date within his means is a testament to his decision making skills and ability to be an honest partner in the relationship.
Some of the best dates that I have been on have been where there was little to no money spent because the emphasis was on us spending time together and getting to know each other. I enjoy being wined and dined as much as the next girl but it should not be the basis of our relationship so don’t take this to mean that you should never a woman out on a nice date because that definitely isn’t my point.
As for me paying for a date, maybe as we progress in the relationship but honestly, I don’t want to be with a guy that expects or even desires that I pay for our dates. I think it sets the tone for the relationship that may be to come. I want a husband who will be the head of the house and will take the lead in providing for our family. I have no problem doing my part to help out but if he wants to be the head, then he needs to act like the head and lead like the head which means among other things, picking up the tab.
Ok, it’s your turn… Will wants to know which one of us do you agree with… or do you have other thoughts? Cast your vote in the poll and/or leave a comment.