Every Super Woman Needs A Super Man

Although I’m not a Rick Ross fan (shocker), this song replays in my mind more often than I am actually comfortable admitting.  But after reading the lyrics – http://www.metrolyrics.com/here-i-am-lyrics-rick-ross.html – I realized that it’s not the song but the concept that every super woman needs a super man that has stuck with me.

As a self-proclaimed super woman – minister, author, mom, entrepreneur, community person – I definitely need a super man in my life.

super couple

Yeah, I can say it… An ordinary man just won’t do for me.  I want someone who will match my drive in business, someone who is intentional about investing time in his family, who wants to make a difference in his community AND who makes time for his relationship with God.  Sounds like a lot? It is… hence the need for a super man.

I have noticed that a lot of people, not just men OR women, are complacent in life.  And so many more are living their dreams through social media.  They post about these uptopic situations but off-line aren’t doing anything to achieve the dreams they constantly promote.

I can’t be the only one who has noticed this.

With social media being the consistent point of reference many of us have for getting to know a person, we often see people living these super lives online and then you meet for dinner and actually start discussing life, goals and all that other important stuff only to find out that its all a dream.  I’m not here to down the dreamers of the world but some people need the doers, the ones who aren’t afraid to leap from a tall building to start a business or to rush into traffic to get to their kids’ school on time.

So… what’s so great about super people being together?  Being super is hard work!  If you’re not with an overachiever, then you have someone in your ear saying, you don’t have to do all that, they’re meeting AGAIN, you’re doing too much when you really want to hear that everything is going to be ok, I’ve got the kids tonight, don’t pay any attention to the naysayers because you’ve got this.  Super people can come home, take off their capes, remove the masks and let the insecurities hang out without fear of losing their super status.

I love the Marvel superheros but it always makes me kinda sad toward the end when they break up with their love interest at the end of the movie.  These break ups happen because they know that super people and ordinary people can’t work.  Dang, isn’t that harsh??? But think about it… Wouldn’t it be hard to commit to someone who is at home vegging out on reality tv while you’re trying to save the world?

Anyway, that’s my two cents… What do you think? Can a super woman/man find happily ever after with a mere mortal?

 

Advertisements

Time Does Not Heal All Wounds

Feels like forever since I was over here sharing any thoughts but I think I had a case of writer’s block.  In my mind, I wanted to write but there just weren’t any words.

This morning while drinking my coffee and thinking about different life situations, the saying, “time heals all wounds” came to mind.  My immediate thought was, “not really.”

There are some wounds that time heals simply because they don’t run very deep and eventually you forget about them.

There are some wounds that can’t be healed by time because they run so deep until every time you touch them or the situation comes up, you are reminded of the hurt.  Even though you may be able to forgive for the hurt, it just isn’t possible to forget.

Then there are those wounds that time can’t heal because we either nurse them and perpetuate the situation or we simply don’t want to be healed because we are comfortable with the hurt.  I am sure some people will say that sounds crazy but the truth is sometimes our identities become attached to that thing or that situation that wounded us and to move past it would require that we find something else to attach ourselves to.  You may not be in this situation but I’m sure you know someone who is.  They have a problem or something happened to them and they are not willing to move past it.  It is as if they have decided that they would rather live with the pain.

We also have those wounds that time simply does not have ability to heal.  Those wounds that run so deep we can not find their beginning nor can we see their end.

time to heal

There comes a time when you have to choose to become healed from your hurt.  In many communities seeking professional help for depression or mental illness has a stigma attached to it therefore we have people who are battling issues and waiting for time to absorb them.

In my early twenties, I realized that it was time for me to heal.  Fortunately, I had some amazing people in my life who were able to talk me through my issues and help me to find the source of the wound and essentially stop the bleeding.  I didn’t even realize how deep my wounds were.  I really thought that being unhappy and discontent with myself was a permanent disposition. I believed that having a mediocre life was ok.  I can not honestly recount the number of letters I have written saying good-bye to my family because I felt like I was at the end of my life.  I was trying to mask so much hurt from past wounds that I thought time would heal until my life didn’t even seem worth living.

It breaks my heart to think of all of the people who commit suicide because of similar feelings.  I don’t think I would have ever intentionally ended my life but I do remember feeling like the black hole I was living in was so deep until it was just going to magically envelop me.  From the outside looking in, I don’t think anyone thought anything was wrong with me.  I seemed like a normal functioning person.

Here’s my point… there are some people in your life that are really struggling with their wounds.  They may not look like it.  They may not even act like it but the reality is that they are living in a black hole of sadness and despair.  There may be a small window where they will come to you and want to talk, to open their wound a little to see if you have a bandage or some ointment to make it a little better.  They don’t think you can heal them because they may not even believe healing is possible.  They just want to feel a little better.

What will you do?  Will you be too busy to listen?  Will you tell them to get over it because everyone has problems?

My prayer is that you will simply listen and help them figure out what’s next.  Their next may be seeking professional help and they may need you to help them take that next step.  Their next may be confronting the source of their hurt.  Whatever it is, listen to them and do whatever you can to help them.

I recently read a blog by a young lady and her friend had just committed suicide.  She stated that she wished she had done more… It made me wonder how many times I had not done more to help someone who needed me to give them some ointment, to help them get some stitches or a professional bandage.

Let us not continue to believe that time heals all wounds and we see someone hurting, let’s try to help them…

Tremayne Moore: The Power of Words

 

My guest on this episode of The LaKesha Womack Show will be Tremayne Moore.  Tremayne is an author, poet, publisher and survivor.  In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we will discuss the “Power of Words” as Tremayne shares his story and how he has used writing to go from victim to victory!

Tremayne Moore

Call in to listen to the show live at 12p CST on Thursday, October 3 or visit http://blogtalkradio.com/LaKeshaWomack to listen at any time!

deaf dumb blind stupid

About Tremayne:

Tremayne Moore is the founder of Mayntre Manuscripts, LLC, a publishing company with a vision of writing to right the broken soul. Tremayne is committed to educate youth, parents, pastors, and community members concerning child sexual abuse/ teenage suicide through social media and community involvement. Moore holds a Bachelor of Science in Accounting from Florida A&M University and a Bachelor of Science in Management Information Systems from Florida State University. His book “Deaf, Dumb, Blind & Stupid: Michael Anderson’s Fight for Life” was listed on OOSA Bookclub’s The Best of 2012.

Learn more about Tremayne at http://www.maynetre.com/

 

Image

Twila Harrison, CEO of Modern Woman PR discusses Leadership Communication

Twila Harrison, CEO of Modern Woman PR discusses Leadership Communication

My guest on this episode of The LaKesha Womack Show will be Mrs. Twila Harrison, CEO of Modern Woman PR, to discuss leadership communication within intergenerational teams. Call in to listen to the show live at 12p CST on Thursday, September 26 or visit http://blogtalkradio.com/LaKeshaWomack to listen at any time!

He loves me… He loves me not…

Stock Photo of a Hand Picking daisy Petals

I remember playing that game when I was younger… How sad that so many of us are still plucking flower petals trying to figure out if the object of our desires shares the sentiment…

Thankful for a spirit of discernment, the common sense to learn lessons after the experience and the ability to love myself enough not to love until it hurts; I have a few ways to help you figure out if he/she loves you (or not):

  1. Love is a choice.  Yeah, I know that for most of us we have been conditioned to believe that love is an emotion and it is but when trying to determine whether someone loves you or not.  Look at the choices they make when it comes to you.  You may have heard this story before but… I dated a guy and he told me, pretty bluntly, that he didn’t want to have to consider me when making decisions about his future.  At first, I was broken-hearted but I actually liberated me from my flower plucking.  Why stay with someone who wants to make decisions independent of you?  There will always be someone better in bed, prettier, richer, etc and if you’re with someone (or if you are) holding out for something better… That can’t be love, not a love you want to build a future around.
  2. Love does not hurt.  If you find yourself in a constant state of pain over lies, betrayal, mistrust or any other issues; its not love.  Its probably a codependency or manifestation of some type of fear – such as being alone, not having the person in your life, etc.  Love isn’t supposed to hurt – all the time.  Every relationship has its ebbs and flows but if you’re always in the valley picking flowers and hoping for a sign, gather your strength and climb the mountain of self love.
  3. Love is not a secret.  I used  to love “Secret Lovers” by Atlantic Starr! Let me tell you, that was my jam.  However, as I have gotten older and actually listened to the words and reflected on all my secret ‘loves’… Let’s just say, if it has to be a secret, its not love because the first question is “Who are you hiding from?” then “What are we afraid of?” As a young one, I loved the song because I had a secret lover who was much older than me and of course we had to hide because in hindsight, he probably would have been in jail if we weren’t a secret.  Those types of situations, no matter how exciting they may seem at the time, rarely ending up being love, more likely a physical lust.  Even as adults, most of those secret loves are a result of one or both people being in another relationship.  How can you trust or be trusted if you start off with a foundation of lies?
  4. Love doesn’t lie. In a world where almost everyone wears a mask, this is tough because most of us have been so hurt, so many times until its hard to reveal our true, vulnerable selves.  But if you can’t be your fun, sad, silly, hurt, happy, confused, loving-life self; you can’t be in love.  If you are constantly trying to be, trying to impress, trying to convince; then you’re not showing your true self.  So… even if they ‘love’ you, they don’t love YOU, they love the representative.  Eventually, you will get tired of pretending then the fear of being yourself will come over you, the wonder if they will love the real you.  Guess what?  I’m advocate of someone leaving you if they don’t like the real you after falling in love with the representative.  If they can’t love you at your worst, they don’t deserve you at your best.
  5. Love is constant.  You may not like the person everyday but if you really love someone, it doesn’t waver day-to-day nor is it dependent on something they do.  They may get on your last nerve, the one that has you looking at them like “don’t say a word” but you would rather them be there with a closed mouth than anywhere else.

Of course, I don’t have all of the answers but it pains me to see so many people searching for love, trying to make someone love them, looking for love in all the wrong places (I could preach a sermon about that) but at the end of the day… You have to learn to love yourself.  Know who you are and believe that that person is valuable and worthy of unconditional love.  Don’t be so quick to settle for the first person who pays you a little attention.  Invest (yes, invest because a good investment yields a return) in getting to know the person – DATE!  Don’t get upset if they don’t fall in love with you after the first date because 6. Love takes time.  

 

If loving you is all that I have to do…

It feels like love is in the air…

love in the sand

For some reason, I can hear Mary J. Blige singing in my ear –

If loving you is all that I have to do

I don’t want to do anything else

Ohhhh Mary…

I remember those euphoric days where you fell in love with someone and all you wanted to do was spend time with them, talk to them, just be in their presence *sigh*

Here’s my problem and you can tell me what you think…

I want to be in love and spend all of the time necessary to get to know the person.  I actually want to fall head over heels in love with someone who comes in my life and sweeps me off my feet – not just sexually but someone who makes love to my mind with insightful conversation, someone who makes me laugh, someone who makes me light up when I see their name pop up on my caller id… Someone that is emotionally available to love me the way a woman wants to be loved in a relationship… Yeah, I want that fairy tale kinda love that climaxes with him getting down on one knee with a Tacori ring causing tears of joy to stream down my face.

What’s the problem, I’m sure you’re wondering…

The problem… I am not sure that I really believe that all of that is possible. It feels weird saying that out loud (or typing it) because it sounds like I’ve given up on love and honestly, sometimes I think I have.

It’s not that I don’t have any qualified prospects but I wonder if I really have the time for love.  I always say that you make time for what’s important to you and when I look at my calendar, I don’t see very much time for love penciled in.  I was talking to a guy friend about “why I’m still single” and he was very frank with me – “Kesha, I think you’re single by choice, I don’t hear you ever talk about going anywhere or doing anything to meet any guys.” O_o  He was right.

I find myself settling for convenient situations but not putting as much effort into having the dream relationship as I put into my Consulting business or even a similar effort that I put into writing a book.  Its like I work for everything that I want but when it comes to love, I think I imagine that it will just happen.  How insane! Expecting a different result, doing the same thing…

What do you think?

Have I given up on love?  Am I really too busy for love?  Or is my situation typical?  I mean I can’t be the only woman lusting for the fairy tale even though I know that loving him is NOT all that I have to do – I have a business, a kid, on several boards, traveling to speak, the list goes on and on…

That leads to the next question that we will explore…

Am I going to have to give up something to get what I want?  Is it possible for me to have it all?

Which type of speaker are you?

Most speakers fall into at least one of the following categories yet people assume that a person with the ability to communicate clearly is a great speaker.  I think more consideration should be paid to the type of speaking that a person does…

  1. Preacher, of course this is the first that comes to my mind because this is the speaker that I hear the most.  I believe that some preachers are actually teachers.  This is definitely personal opinion because no one knows the relationship between God and a person and what  He has called them to do.  However, I think that the difference between a preacher and teacher is in the delivery of the message.  A teacher is able to teach you something about a Biblical text while a  preacher is usually able to teach you something while also creating an emotional connection.  For many, the assumption that the person and their method of speaking is the conduit of the emotional connection, but I believe that the Holy Spirit working through that person is the source of the connection.  
  2. Teacher, which was addressed briefly above, is a person who has knowledge of a subject or the ability to convey information to a person or group of people.  This person, based on their comfort, can be used in a variety of situations but if booking someone to speak who is a teacher, you should be aware of whether they are an interactive teacher or a lecturer.  It is often assumed that teachers make great speakers because they are used to presenting information, however, depending on your group, the teacher you are considering may or may not be the right fit.
  3. Interviewers are very difficult to find.  There is an art to interviewing and most people can agree that Oprah is the master in the this category.  I have been interviewed by and listened to some interviews that were simply painful.  The art to interviewing involves voice infliction to match the mood and tone of your guest as well as active listening to identify where your next question should come from.  You should also be aware that your guest should do most of the speaking while walking the tightrope of asking enough interesting questions that they can expound on during the allotted amount of time. Most people who are just starting out will have a set of questions that they rely on but as you perfect your craft, you should be able to research your subject so that the interview feels more like a conversation between two (or more) people with the rest of the world listening in.  One of the reasons that Oprah is so successful at interviewing is because she has the ability to create a connection with her guests that allows them to block out the audience, cameras, crew, etc and become totally engrossed in their conversation which often leads to them revealing information that they may not have intended.
  4. Host/Hostess are important components of many events.  A host must have a dynamic and engaging personality that will make people stop talking, drinking or whatever else they are doing to pay attention to what you are saying.  Many people assume that comedians make great hosts but again you need to consider your audience because some people find certain genres of comedy offensive or uncomfortable.  A great host should make the guests feel comfortable, connected to the event and have a command over the time schedule to ensure your event flows smoothly.
  5. Workshop speakers often have traits of one or more of the other speakers but it is important to identify whether you want your participants to do something during the presentation.  If the session is informational only, then you need a seminar speaker.  It is vital that you communicate the difference to your speaker and to your audience because it creates an expectation.  I once attended a workshop that was supposed to be interactive but the presenter spoke the entire time and left the last three minutes for questions.  The attendees had an expectation that they would be participating in the conversation but found themselves listening to a monologue.  If you are a speaker and you are not sure what the expectation is, you should find out prior to creating your presentation.  A workshop should include bits of information with time for discussion or an exercise while a seminar implies that you will speak fluidly for a period of time with an allocation of time for questions or comments at the end.
  6. Keynote Speakers are much like preachers without the divine intervention.  Not everyone is capable of being a keynote speaker, no matter how much speaking experience they have.  Most keynote speakers are known for being able to tell a powerful story within a short span, because most keynotes are a part of a larger event, that creates an emotional connection with the audience or inspires them to action.  Choosing a flat keynote speaker can be harmful to your event because that will be the thing, aside from the food, that they remember the most.

I hope these tips are helpful for speakers and event planners.

Image Courtesy of nutritioneducationexperts.com

Image Courtesy of nutritioneducationexperts.com

I see a lot of people who tag themselves as Motivational or Inspirational Speakers but you should be sure that you have the tone and message that matches that description.  If you are unsure of your speaking style, record a couple of your presentations and listen to them critically.  Also, have your participants complete evaluations and take their assessments seriously so that you can improve your craft.

Side note to all event planners: do your research and listen to past presentations by your presenters then give them a clear direction of your expectations.  You may not be able to imagine the amount of pressure on a speaker when you say, “talk about whatever you want.”  Whenever possible, give them the approximate size of the audience, the demographics, the purpose of the event and a central theme that you would like them to focus on as well as a time frame for their presentation.