Why won’t you support me?

I’m sure you realize there are a million different directions that I could go with that title…

However, the issue we are discussing today is emotional support.

Why is it that the people you expect to have your back, to be your biggest cheerleader, to be ready to pop a bottle with you are often the ones who give the lackluster responses to your great news?

You think that because you are there to celebrate all of the successes in their life, big and small, that when your moment finally arrives, they will lead the charge to the celebration then… *crickets*

It reminds me of the Sex and the City episode where Carrie goes to the lady’s house for a baby shower (or party can’t remember but there was a baby involved) and someone steals her shoes.  The lady is pretty much like “sucks to be you and I hope it works out better for you” when Carrie starts to think about all of the times she was there for this acquaintance, celebrating the engagement, wedding, babies, etc.  Carrie really could not figure out how the lady could not be there for there…

How many of us have friends (and family members) who are like that?

i-got-your-back_design

What do you do?

  1. Learn to celebrate yourself.  Yeah, it gets lonely sometimes but when that big moment occurs, if there’s no one around; take yourself out for a special dinner or buy yourself something special.  Don’t gloss over your WIN just because you made it to the finish line by yourself.
  2. Check your circle for squares.  There are some people in your life who don’t want to see you succeed.  They really only hang around to take and have nothing to contribute to your life.  It’s hard climbing to the top carrying dead weight.
  3. Lower your expectations of others.  Ok, that’s a hard one but think about this.  Most people operate in their own self-interest meaning they do what is best and most convenient for them.  We often receive the residuals of that – sometimes positive and sometimes negative.  You may be able to celebrate other people’s accomplishments because that’s just who you are but unfortunately, not every one is like you. So before you go snapping on someone because they didn’t act like you wanted them to act or before you say well since you didn’t… I’m not going to… Remember that we need to accept people as they are, not how we want them to be.
  4. Don’t stop being you to spite them.  Don’t fill yourself with negative energy or start hating on them and change the essence of the great person that you have become.  Some people want to see you come down off your high because they are tired of looking up at you doing your thing while they’re still struggling.  Honestly, that’s not your problem.  Don’t throw your good news in people’s face but we have to surround ourselves with people who can be there to comfort during the low moments AND high-five during the good.

No matter what… I will lift those who are down and push others even higher… I am a source of positive energy for everyone around me!

I make it a habit to help celebrate the successes of other people, even people I don’t know very well, not because I expect them to do the same for me but because I know what it feels like not to have that support.

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What would you do if you were not afraid to fail?

time-will-pass-dream-big-picture-quote

So often we fail to start a project, a business, a plan or to execute a great idea because of the negative self talk in our minds.  We think that we should wait until tomorrow, next week, next month or next year but that’s an illusion…

We are deceiving ourselves if we think that we have time to wait for anything.  Life is happening now.  The time you spend waiting and dreaming is the same time that other people are taking chances and getting a step closer to their destiny.

I saw a Dominos Pizza commercial last night where the CEO admitted that they have failed at some of their innovative ideas but he reminds the viewers that if they had not tried to do things differently, they would be in same place with the same product that they always had.

If you have a dream, it is ok to step out on faith (with a plan) and try to make it a reality.  You won’t succeed at everything that you try.  Some of my past failures still hurt my heart a little bit but I learned a lesson from each of them and got up to try again with a little more wisdom and some experience.  You won’t know what you can or can’t do until you try.

Bishop Richard Keith Thompson asked me in August why wasn’t I going to seminary and I honestly had no reply.  He and I both knew that continuing my theological education was something that I needed to do but in my mind, it was something that I would get around to.  And then he said, “Why not do it now?  Three or four years will pass anyway, the difference will be whether you have a degree or not…”

Just like that I was convicted… He was absolutely right… So many times we think later but later will come and what will be different?

Taking his advice, I applied to Beeson Divinity School at Samford University and was accepted into their Fall 2014 class (with a scholarship!!).  Exactly, one year from our conversation, I will be executing the idea that we discussed.  That year could have passed with me still thinking one day but instead I stepped out on faith to try to make it a reality.  Even if I had been rejected, at least I would have tried…

So, today… Examine some of the things that you say you want in life and really ask yourself, am I doing the things necessary to make my dreams a reality or am I just dreaming?  Am I waiting for a one day that will come and go yet I will be no closer than I was before?

The road to your destiny won’t be easy but it will be worth it if you are able to appreciate all of the moments you stumble and fall as much as you appreciate the moments that you are flying high toward success.

 

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Fusion Tour Montgomery a Success!

Fusion Tour Montgomery a Success!

Hosting an event can be very unnerving because you never know what to expect. This event was especially challenging for me because I was hosting on behalf of Vernetta Freeney, CEO of Women are Gamechangers. Knowing that she was traveling to Montgomery Alabama from Houston Texas just for this event AND bringing guests from Atlanta Georgia added to the pressure.

The day turned out to be a success. The women who chose to attend left empowered and connected with other like-minded women which was the goal of the event. Thanks to everyone who came out to show their support. You are greatly appreciated. Thanks to Monique and Ms. Janice for being wonderful hostesses at Pure Artistry Literary Cafe and thanks to the panelist for sharing your knowledge with the group.

(Pictured left to right: Jael Byrd, Founder of Natural Hair Community; JoAnn Ajayi-Scott, Founder of Essence of a Lady Inc; Monique Dennis, Co-Owner of Pure Artistry Literary Cafe; Vernetta Freeney, CEO of Women are Gamechangers; Janice Dennis, Co-Owner of Pure Artistry Literary Cafe; ShaKenya Calhoun, Chief of Staff at Calhoun Enterprises; LaKesha Womack, Consultant at Womack Consulting Group)

Can I really have it ALL? #SummerLoveSeries

One of the issues that I have been discussing with my girl friend is, what am I willing to give up for love.

Ugghhhh…

You all know that I believe that I can have it ALL, however “all” does not mean everything.  All, in my opinion, is deciding what are the two to four most important things in your life and pouring yourself into them.  I believe that many people have become disappointed in their own lives because their list is too long.  We are all humans with 24 hours in a day, there is only so much that you can accomplish no matter how much assistance you have.  And if you have no assistance, if every buck stops with you, then your list is probably going to be a little shorter.

Anyway, the past few years, I think I have been successful at having it all.  My priorities were – God (serving in ministry), family/friends (spending quality time with the people who I care about, actually being present in moments) and business (becoming a profitable entrepreneur).

Here is the problem – where does love fit in there?  Love, in the sense of loving a man, definitely can’t come before God.  Should love come before family and friends? We’ve all heard the stories of women who put their man before the people who had been there for them all of their life and when the relationship ended, their support team was gone.  Then there’s the business… Can love come before business?  My business is almost nonstop.  I’m always on my computer, on the phone, traveling, doing something and I love it.  It doesn’t seem like a chore for me, it feels like my professional purpose.  Am I ready to push that down on the list for love?

In the past, love has been on the bottom of my short list and honestly, that’s not working very well.  After all of those other obligations are filled, I have little left to give to love.  There is little time, there’s little energy… So to stop the insanity, something has to change, but what?

time for love

If loving you is all that I have to do…

It feels like love is in the air…

love in the sand

For some reason, I can hear Mary J. Blige singing in my ear –

If loving you is all that I have to do

I don’t want to do anything else

Ohhhh Mary…

I remember those euphoric days where you fell in love with someone and all you wanted to do was spend time with them, talk to them, just be in their presence *sigh*

Here’s my problem and you can tell me what you think…

I want to be in love and spend all of the time necessary to get to know the person.  I actually want to fall head over heels in love with someone who comes in my life and sweeps me off my feet – not just sexually but someone who makes love to my mind with insightful conversation, someone who makes me laugh, someone who makes me light up when I see their name pop up on my caller id… Someone that is emotionally available to love me the way a woman wants to be loved in a relationship… Yeah, I want that fairy tale kinda love that climaxes with him getting down on one knee with a Tacori ring causing tears of joy to stream down my face.

What’s the problem, I’m sure you’re wondering…

The problem… I am not sure that I really believe that all of that is possible. It feels weird saying that out loud (or typing it) because it sounds like I’ve given up on love and honestly, sometimes I think I have.

It’s not that I don’t have any qualified prospects but I wonder if I really have the time for love.  I always say that you make time for what’s important to you and when I look at my calendar, I don’t see very much time for love penciled in.  I was talking to a guy friend about “why I’m still single” and he was very frank with me – “Kesha, I think you’re single by choice, I don’t hear you ever talk about going anywhere or doing anything to meet any guys.” O_o  He was right.

I find myself settling for convenient situations but not putting as much effort into having the dream relationship as I put into my Consulting business or even a similar effort that I put into writing a book.  Its like I work for everything that I want but when it comes to love, I think I imagine that it will just happen.  How insane! Expecting a different result, doing the same thing…

What do you think?

Have I given up on love?  Am I really too busy for love?  Or is my situation typical?  I mean I can’t be the only woman lusting for the fairy tale even though I know that loving him is NOT all that I have to do – I have a business, a kid, on several boards, traveling to speak, the list goes on and on…

That leads to the next question that we will explore…

Am I going to have to give up something to get what I want?  Is it possible for me to have it all?

Confession: My Greatest Fear

There are so many things in our world to fear – heights, flying, spiders, unmasked gunmen, the end of the world… The list goes on and on but as I embark on another project (yes, another project) I started thinking about my greatest fear.

So, I’m working on putting this thing together and my mind slipped to

What are people going to think?

Will they like it?

Will they get it?

Will they support it?

Yeah, that list can go on and on but then it hit me, my greatest fear…

I fear not trying more than I fear failure.  I fear being eighty years old wondering what if I had tried this or what if I had tried that… I have had so many great experiences that some people might look at and wonder what the point of it was but every thing that I have tried has taught me something that made me better for something that came next.  As much as I want to be accepted by others, I want to make myself proud more.  I’m not fearless and negative self talk holds me back from doing a lot of things but when I have a vision and I can see it clearly then I feel compelled to create a plan and go for it.

When working with my clients, I often encourage them to push forward when they have a great idea (if it’s feasible and fits within their overall brand).  Some people may look at the things that they are doing and think that its never going to work or that they are wasting their time.  But, how can you look at some one else’s dream and determine it’s worth?

Today, I can say that I’m proud of myself for trying… I don’t know exactly what success looks like but I know that it feels good knowing that I have the power to turn off the outside noise, put on my headphones blasting some good music into my brain and get to work making my visions a reality!

Image courtesy of campus-to-career.com

Image courtesy of campus-to-career.com

 

October 2012 Featured Entrepreneur

 

Special thanks to Donna Johnson and her team for choosing me as their October 2012 Featured Entrepreneur!

Listen to my interviews with GGene S.I.S.  We talk about my business, ministry and the emotional abuse many professional women experience in relationships when their spouse/boyfriend can’t handle being with someone more successful than themselves.

Interview 1

Interview 2