Should Christians Go See “50 Shades of Grey”?

I was talking to a friend who is also in ministry the other day and the question came up about whether Christians should go see the movie “50 Shades of Grey“? I had been pondering the thought in my head since seeing the popularity with the book series and knowing that it was not all nonChristians contributing to it’s popularity.

50 shades of grey

Here are my five cents…

  1. Why are we discriminating against this one movie? It seems that there are a lot of erotica movies and books on the market yet this one has been targeted because it gained worldwide popularity with book sales.  If we are going to hold Christians to a higher standard in their reading and movie watching, shouldn’t this apply to all genres that would seemingly conflict with the teachings of Jesus – including movies depicting graphic violence?
  2. Why not view the movie? Ok, I know you may be a little confused with that question but why not use the movie as a teaching tool to examine what has become acceptable in society, how this acceptance has contributed to some of the relationship woes in our lives and begin a constructive dialogue about fixing the problem.
  3. Is this a female centered issue? This deals a little with my thought in #1 but it seems that the chief complaint that many people have deals with how the woman is portrayed in the movie yet I haven’t heard as many complaints about the perversions within men with money and power.  
  4. Does this movie appeal to some of our innermost desires?  I have not read the books but it seems that the fantasy contained within the narrative may be something that many fantasize about – men having the money and power to seduce a woman thereby gaining complete control over her, women having a man with the money and power to persuade her to step outside of her comfort zone and try things that she never imagined. Has the movie/book gained so much popularity because of this appeal?  Are critics mad because they refuse to acknowledge how this movie brings out desires they would prefer to suppress.
  5. Is it wrong to fantasize as long as we maintain perspective with reality? There is quite a bit of debate regarding some of the shows on television and whether Christians should watch them because they are not constructive in our Christian thinking and living.  However, some question why they can’t just be entertained for a few hours of their day without the heaviness of judgement.  Although many adults may fantasize about the lives they see on television and movie screens, most are mature enough to realize that they can’t carry those behaviors into their every day lives.  So they question the harm in a mental escape for a few hours per day.

I don’t think that there will ever be a concise answer from all the Christians in the world but I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.  I am sure you can tell that I am not opposed to those who want to see the movie seeing it.  I know that I probably won’t go but I am in no position to judge the decisions of others.  That may be their sin but sin is sin and I have my own sins to atone for without the luxury of judging the severity or even existence of sin in the next person.

Should you commit to someone who doesn’t want a commitment?

I know that sounds crazy…

The obvious answer is, heck no!

But.. (there’s always a but when we are trying to justify doing the illogical)…

What if you are seeing someone who says they don’t want a commitment but you think they are perfect for you? Everything about them crosses off on your ideal mate list EXCEPT they don’t want to be in a relationship.

When you are together, you do the things couples do.  You don’t THINK they are seeing anyone else but of course being in an uncommitted committed relationship prevents you from actually asking.  You even speak couple language – we, us, ours…

I mean when you consider all of that you would be crazy not to try to lock this person down.  Why keep searching when you’ve found your person? Right???

WRONG!!

uncommited

One of the biggest mistakes people make in relationships is falling in love with potential.  It’s not always the potential of what a person could become professionally but the potential of a relationship.  I have seen it so many times… A person thinks if they keep doing all the right things then eventually the other person will change their mind and decide to settle down.

Now you know that I am a self-proclaimed relationship expert so don’t take my advice and go break up with your boo thang but I would encourage you to consider what I am about to say…

If you are with someone and they tell you that they don’t want to commit… Believe them!

If you want to stay with them and do all the things that a committed person does with a person who isn’t committed to you, do it without expecting them to change.

If your relationship clock is ticking and you think you need to settle down right now, go find you someone who wants to settle down now too.  I know that means leaving your comfortable good thang but if having a commitment is that important to you, why are you leaving your future in the hands of someone who obviously doesn’t want the same thing as you?

Season 6 of The LaKesha Womack Show Premiers

live-microphoneI had a wonderful summer away from Blog Talk Radio but I must admit that I am ready to get back on air.  Season Six (can’t believe its been that long) premiers today, September 19 at 12pm CST.  I will be announcing our guest line up for the upcoming season, giving you some information about this season’s show format and updating you on what’s been going on with me in my personal (gasp), professional and spiritual life.

Don’t forget… You can listen to the live fifteen minute show or you can go back and listen to the playback at any time from your smart phone or computer -> http://blogtalkradio.com/LaKeshaWomack or call 646.929.2031

As you are anxiously awaiting to hear from our new slate of guests, take a listen to the top ten shows from the first five seasons!

~ Author Spotlight on Shivawn Mitchell, Rewrite Your Story

~ The Style Gent discusses The Lost Art of Dating

~ Five Common Sex Myths

~ Interracial Dating, Relationships and Marriage with Will Deyamport

~ Can Sex Ruin a Relationship?

~ Women Just Don’t Understand cohosted by Jay “EveryDayTheBrand”

~ Single Parents and Dating Discussion with Kalonji Gilchrist

~ Is it safe to mix business with pleasure?

~ Corey Ponder shares how giving is sexy (holiday special)

~ Dr. Laura Hill discusses Intergenerational Communication Strategies for the Workplace

 

Will he respect you more if you wait to have sex?

As a minister and evolved woman, the answer to this question should be a simple “yes”.  But I would be lying because that’s not what I really believe.

Most guys (not all guys) don’t really care whether you wait to have sex with them or not.  In fact, as much as they like sex, that’s not really a determining factor in their decision to wife you or make you their girlfriend.  Think about the number of guys that you know that are in sexually unfulfilling relationships.   Trust me, it’s a lot of them out there living with average sex.  While there are more than a few married to women who gave it up pretty quickly.

As shallow as we like to believe that guys are, a lot of them place more emphasis on who you are as a person than how quickly they can get you in bed.  Most guys can tell within a few minutes whether you are the type of woman that they would be interested in pursuing a relationship with, not based on whether they think they are about to score, but based on how well the two of you relate to each other.

So if your reason for not having sex with a guy is because you think that he will respect you more, I challenge you to rethink that philosophy.

You should wait to have sex because YOU respect YOU.  

So often, we worry about what other people think of us or how they see us but you should be more concerned with what’s important to you.  What do you value?  Do you value feeling a physical connection with the person you are interested in? If so, make sure that both of you are clear about your feelings and where the relationship is headed then enjoy creating the connection.  Do you value taking time to get to know a person before you become intimate?  If so, then hold out because it’s important to you and not because you are trying to manipulate his feelings.  Trust me, it doesn’t work.  You can wait one day or one hundred days.  If a guy is really feeling you then he’s going to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work, that includes waiting until marriage to sleep with you.  Set the standard based on what’s important to you and not some gimmick.

I think that sex is an important part of relationships because it is a form of communication between two people.  A lot is said with your physical communication that can’t always be said verbally.  Many times, we rush into sexual situations trying to express something that we aren’t ready to verbally communicate.  The problem isn’t the sex but the miscommunication about our feelings, beliefs and thoughts.  Having sex creates an emotional bond that is sometimes stronger for one person than the other but none the less, it exists.  Even if you have a one night stand with someone, that person may pop into your head every now and again because you created a connection with them.  However, when you are in a relationship with healthy communication outside of the bedroom, what happens when the two of you get naked should strengthen the relationship and reinforce the feelings that you have already expressed.

You can have a ninety day waiting rule, like Steve Harvey suggested in “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” but if during those ninety days you haven’t spent time bonding and getting to know each other, you might as well had slept with him on the first date.  If you all were not getting along or were arguing during that time, having sex isn’t going to change anything.

There are so many social media therapists ready to tell you to do this or that to get a man or to keep a man but here’s my unprofessional advice…

Do what is going to make you feel like the best person that you can be!

Quit worrying about being sexy and having sex.  Focus more on getting to know people and when it’s time for the right man to come along then he will come.  Holding out, having sex or becoming celibate should be a decision that you make because it  promotes your values and beliefs. Being a person with strong character, willing to stand for whatever you believe, will speak more to him than any relationship rules.

Image courtesy of doveeyes.com

Image courtesy of doveeyes.com

 

**Don’t forget there are other ways to express intimacy than just having sex…

No Birth Control + No Abortions = No Sex

I am really curious how our conservative law makers envision this equation computing.  If you throw in their desires to reduce or eliminate federal assistance programs such as food stamps; you have to wonder what type of America they see in our future.

First, if they want to ban or make it more difficult for women to have access birth control; do they believe that this is going to aid in our population control? We are society that currently consumes more than we produce so it seems to me that not having viable methods of family planning would lead to more children being conceived  by people who may not be able to take care of them.

Once you take away the option to terminate a pregnancy, for whatever reason a person chooses… And let’s take a side step on this subject for a moment.  Most of the advocates against abortion have this belief based on their religious values.  However, in 1 Corinthians 4: 4-5 Paul clearly explains “It is the Lord who judges me.  Therefore judge nothing before the appointned time; wait till the Lord comes.  He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts.”  As our elected government officials, their jobs are not to stand as our moral judges rather to ensure that we have a system that guarentees life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  They do not have the right to define what that means to each of us rather they should ensure it for all of us.  Whether a woman chooses to terminate a pregnancy or not should be a decision between her, her doctor and God; regardless of how we feel about it.  Back to my original point, so we no longer have the right to terminate pregnancies nor do we have reasonable access to birth control.  What happens to all of those babies that have been conceived in circumstances where the parents are unwilling or unable to care for the child?

This makes me wonder if these law makers assume that no birth control and no abortions will mean that people will stop having sex.  That they will stop engaging in the act that creates life.  Somehow, I believe this is highly unlikely.  Not only are these laws dangerous because in many instances birth control is used for medicinal reasons other than family planning and because many women have to terminate pregnancies for reasons other than them not wanting the child, but these laws are dangerous to our economy.

Let’s think for a second about their postion on welfare.  They want less people to receive federal assistance such as the programs that aid with providing food for many families and recieving access to medical benefits.  Ok, so we now have a system that discourages family planning under the assumption that people are going to exercise self control (knowing that we are not a society that has mastered that skill) and we are going to make it difficult for the people who are already struggling  financially to gain access to assistance.

My prediction… an increase in orphans.  The short sightedness of the leaders is almost criminal because they are not thinking past their own judgemental beliefs.  Ok, you are against contraceptives.  Ok, you think abortions are morally wrong.  Ok, our governement is too large and we can’t afford all of our social services.  However, to take all three off the table or hide them under the table means that you are going to have people creating lives that they did not want and/or can not afford to take care of.  Do they think these people will simply pull up their boot straps and make a way?  Some will.  But there are many who will  not.  My question is who will take care of the unwanted children.  We already have foster care systems clamoring to find parents to take in children.  Will we leave it to the adoption agencies to take this child from this home and put it in that home, as long as its not a same sex home?

I believe these laws are not only intrusive in regards to our personal lives but for a party that claims they want smaller government and that the government should allow the free economic market to work itself out, they seem hell bent on intruding into our personal lives rather than regulating existing industries that allow people to plan for families using whatever method they feel morally comfortable with.  And I will even go out on a limb and suggest that the time spent debating these issues could be time spent focused on improving our economy so that more people have jobs.  If you want to stop people for having sex and making babies, put them to work so that they don’t have time to procreate.

What do you think?  Am I totally reaching with this argument?  Should our government serve as our moral regulators?

Is it safe to mix business with pleasure?

We’ve all heard the saying that you should never mix business with pleasure but I am sure it is still being done every day.  Not only are office mates hooking up but people are exchanging favors for business deals.

What are your thoughts?  Does it matter if you mix business with pleasure or should it be avoided?  Join my guest, Skylyn Haggins, a professional in the entertainment industry to discuss whether hooking up can really get you ahead or hold you back.

We want to know what you think… join us tonight on Blog Talk Radio (March 22, 2011 at 10pm CST).

Here’s how you can participate – share your comments and questions via

  • Twitter – @LaKeshaWomack – during the show (between 945p and 1020p CST)
  • Call in to the show (646.929.2031) and request to speak with Skylyn and LaKesha
  • Email me prior to the show – contact@LaKeshaWomack.com

Don’t forget to follow the show and receive email reminders for upcoming shows…

About Skylyn Haggins…

 

Skylyn is the Station Manager for DSLRadio; Co-Host of the Grind & Sky Show with  Bobby Grind; Co-Founder Grind Kidz, Chief Operating Officer at Radio City Radio and does promotions for Rhino Silver.
He is one of the hardest working men in entertainment and a pleasure to network with.

 

Find him online:

Sebastian Kole discusses “Does society take sex seriously?”

In our highly sexualized society, we have to wonder… how seriously do we take seriously?

It can be argued that some people take sex too seriously and make life altering decisions based on carnal desires.  However, it can also be argued that many people don’t take sex serious enough and enter into physical relationships with little to no regard for the emotional attachment that will follow.  Join Sebastian Kole and I as we discuss this issue and how these schools of thought are contributing to society’s relationship trends.

Don’t forget… we want to hear from you.

  • Tweet me (@LaKeshaWomack) your questions and/or comments using #LNWL
  • Submit a comment or question below
  • Comment on the BlogTalkRadio homepage
  • Email me at contact@LaKeshaWomack.com

Join Sebastian and I on Tuesday, December 21 at 10pm on http://blogtalkradio.com/lakeshawomack

About Sebastian Kole…

Sebastian Kole - Live From My Notebook

Singer-songwriter, Sebastian Kole,  was born and raised in Birmingham, AL. A trained jazz musician and vocal performer, Sebastian Kole began playing piano in the church and performing as a young child .At a very early age, he established his desire and destiny to sing and perform his own music: “I knew a long time ago I didn’t want to do cover music; singing and songwriting for me are pretty inseparable.” In fact, among his greatest influences in music are singer-songwriter musicians, particularly piano players such as Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, Prince, John Legend, and Bilal. Also among his influences have been Beethoven, Bach, Handel, and Thelonius Monk, master musicians whom Sebastian Kole says were “never afraid of their own minds.”

Upon graduating with a degree in music, he recorded and released his self-titled album. Over the next few years, he toured Germany, France and Italy. He has performed his own music opening in concert for Monica, Raheem Devaughn, Anthony David, Julie Dexter and Musiq Soulchild and has shared the stage with fellow Birmingham grown artist Ruben Studdard. Sebastian Kole is set to release his next album “Live From My Notebook” in 2010, which features hit singles “Jaded” and “Before You Go.”

Sebastian Kole is an engaging storyteller with an uncanny ability to relate to people in his lyrics, music, and performance. He often sings of relationships which are a common human experience. Whether excess, or lack thereof, I try to look at them from a different perspective.” He also offers a unique perspective on music.

Find Sebastian online…

Website: http://SebastianKole.com

Twitter: @SebastianKole

Facebook – Live From My Notebook