I had a wonderful summer away from Blog Talk Radio but I must admit that I am ready to get back on air. Season Six (can’t believe its been that long) premiers today, September 19 at 12pm CST. I will be announcing our guest line up for the upcoming season, giving you some information about this season’s show format and updating you on what’s been going on with me in my personal (gasp), professional and spiritual life.
Don’t forget… You can listen to the live fifteen minute show or you can go back and listen to the playback at any time from your smart phone or computer -> http://blogtalkradio.com/LaKeshaWomack or call 646.929.2031
As you are anxiously awaiting to hear from our new slate of guests, take a listen to the top ten shows from the first five seasons!
To paraphrase Steve’s concept, he states that ‘gold digger’ is a term created by men so that they would not have to be accountable to financially providing for women…
By labeling a woman as a ‘gold digger’ if she asked a man for money, the woman would be deterred thus allowing the man to do what he pleased…
I find this mode of thinking interesting on so many levels…
First of all, I know that some guys really think like this. I remember dating a guy who would tell me stories about previous dating experiences where the woman asked him for money and the negative feelings he had associated with that. I giggled because I knew where he was leading, otherwise what would be the point of him telling me this. He was trying to discourage me from asking him for money so that I would not be labeled a ‘gold digger’. Another guy kept complimenting me on being an independent woman who didn’t need him to do anything for me I laughed at that because there was no way any man was going to get off that easy. You think you’re going to be my man with no sense of obligation to me, for what???
On the other hand, I know some women who make gold digging a profession. They don’t work but drive the nicest cars, live in fly spaces and demand (yes, demand) to eat at the most expensive restaurants. They target guys who can afford them this lifestyle knowing that they have little to nothing outside of personal attention to provide in return.
Where does that leave us?
We have a group of men who are afraid of being used financially and a group of women with a primary motive of getting all they can get…
In the middle of these two groups are ordinary men and women seeking mutually beneficial relationships. A woman who wants a man who will provide for her and act as the head of his household, not because she demands it but because that is the role of a man in a relationship. And then there’s the man who wants to treat his woman like a queen but he’s met so many imposters until it is almost impossible to tell the real thing when she comes along.
So now we have all of these independent women who don’t need a man to take care of them (neck rolling and all) and men who are skating on easy street with no sense of responsibility in a relationship. Yep its all messed up…
Here’s the catch though…
Most of the women claiming they don’t need a man, don’t have a man. Most of a women that need a man so that they can maintain their standard of living, have a man.
Because no matter what a man says, his primal instinct is to provide for his woman. Most men will cheat on their wives to be with someone who makes them feel needed rather than taking for granted the things that they do. Gold diggers may not have genuine feelings for their man but when he’s around, they make him feel like the best thing since sliced bread while all of the independent women act like they could care less if he’s around.
I’m not afraid of being labeled a ‘gold digger’…
I have standards in a relationship. I know what I want and what I deserve. I don’t care how much money a man has or what type of car he drives but I do care about the role he desires to play in our relationship. Does he see himself as a provider or does he think it’s every man/woman for themselves? Does he make sure that I am taken care of or does he just assume that everything is ok?
Also… I dropped the independent woman label a long time ago because when you say you don’t need a man, you act like you don’t need a man. (Read I Don’t Need a Man). I need a man because two is stronger than one when planning a future, raising a family and dealing with the turbulence of life. I need a shoulder to cry on, a smile to gaze upon and laugh to share. I don’t just want those things but I need them in my life because I believe that I will be greater when I have a King to make me his Queen. Will I settle for any dude that comes along flashing a big wad or a nice smile, definitely not because I know my worth but I also won’t allow some dude to manipulate me into believing that he shouldn’t have to do anything for me or that would make me a gold digger…
Want more relationship advice from me?
- Order your autographed copy of “Is She The ONE?” It provides ten ways for a man to determine if the woman he is dating is a gold digger, drama queen or The ONE…
- Check out Relationships 101 on this blog
- Check out Relationships Q&A and submit a relationship question to me
- Listen to past episodes of Late Night with LaKesha on Blog Talk Radio
My great friend, Jamie Fleming, is getting married tomorrow and I could not be happier for her. Jamie and I have been talking about and planning for this day since last fall and it is so hard to believe that tomorrow is the big day.
Prior to working with Jamie on her wedding, I thought I wanted a big wedding. I imagined about 250 of our closest friends gathering in their formal wear to watch me walk down the aisle as he shed tears of glee from the sight of me in a gorgeous designer gown. I imagined working the dinner room and receiving congratulations and hugs from the people who care most about me as I planned to embark upon this new phase of my life with the love of my life. I imagined dancing the night with my girlfriends as we reminisced about our days as single ladies.
However, through the course of planning with Jamie for her big day and a series of events in my personal life; I began to rethink what my ideal day will look like. One of the things that I realized and continuously reminded Jamie was that the most important aspect of this event was becoming Chris’ wife.
So many women have visions of what their day will look like and put so much effort into the planning and preparing for this momentous occasion but we often overlook what’s really important – the life after the big day. After the guests are gone, the cake has been eaten and the pictures are taken; you have pledged the rest of your life to this person.
Jamie and Chris are so grounded and almost unfazed by a lot of the pomp and circumstance that is usually involved in weddings. Their focus has been having their closest family and friends join them while maintaining a budget that will allow them to build a life once the day is over. Watching her navigate through the process and take everything that came her way in stride made me realize that I want a similar experience. I don’t really want to spend a year focusing on details to make sure 250 people are happy. I would rather focus on planning for the life that will come after the day. Of course, I want a nice wedding but I only want to share it with the people who I know genuinely care about us and want to share in our happiness.
Congratulations Jamie and Chris and thank you God for revealing some things to me through them. I wish you both happiness, good health and the strength to endure whatever may come your way.
I’ve seen a couple of posts and heard a morning talk show discussing the seven-year itch now becoming the three-year glitch.
When I first read the headline on Yahoo.com, I didn’t pay it much attention but did kind of wonder what they were talking about. One morning while watching an early show, the host was about to introduce a popular actor who has been married for three years. Strangely, the host mentioned this topic along with his introduction of the actor. I think the actor was a little embarrassed that they would infer his marriage was starting to lose its luster, especially after such a period.
One of my relationship fears is getting involved with someone who thinks it’s ok to fall out of love as easily as we fell for each other. I know that relationships will have their ups and downs but how do you survive those low points. I enjoy meeting guys and fantasizing about a future with them but it honestly scares me to think about committing the rest of my life to them. My fear is not grounded in my inability to commit but the strength of my desire to stick with it forever. I often think I want something that lifetime commitments aren’t possible to attain in our society. I want someone who I can let down my guard with and honestly stand before God and man to proclaim my love through sickness and health, for richer or for poorer, in good times and bad until death do we part.
Part of the issue is me. I start to get to know someone and know from the time that we spend together that I can’t make those proclamations. Despite how great the person looks on paper, as in once you list all of their qualifications, I know that my heart isn’t there. The other part of the issue is fear. Yes, I can admit that I am afraid of falling head over heels in love only to find that he doesn’t love me back. I am afraid of mentally, emotionally and spiritually committing my life to a man and three years later I find out there is a glitch in our relationship or seven years later he has an itch that I can’t scratch.
I don’t know what the solution is or how I will overcome this mental hang-up and make the ultimate committment but I think acknowledging the problem is the beginning to finding a solution.
Many women fantasize about the day they will get married but how many of us dream about being a wife? Have you seriously considered the difference between your wedding day and the lifelong committment that you will be making to another person? Have you thought about how your actions today are attracting or repelling the man of your dreams?
Finding Mr. Right may be difficult but how about keeping him and creating a happy home? Enter relationship expert, Christine Pembleton…
Christine is hosting a 3 day conference in Phoenix AZ from March 4-6, 2011 for women ready to become a wife. Sign up today for three days of sessions like learning the secrets to being an irresistible woman by adapting the Honey Girl Lifestyle and the things you must stop doing immediately if you want to have a loving and long-lasting relationship with your future husband. Registration also includes The Ready to Be a Wife Action Guide and immediate access to the Intensive Welcome Pack so you can start working on your relationship goals before the event.
Want to know more? Check out the event details for yourself… http://www.readytobeawife.com/intensive/ This is an event you will not want to miss.
**Sign up today to qualify for the early bird discount**
I’m 26 and life is GOOD. I have a good job making decent money, just bought a nice ride, own a townhouse and I’ve been dating my girl for about three years. She was with me before I had any of this and I guess I can say that she helped to me to get my mind right when I first started working. I wanted to buy a bunch of nonsense (I can look back and agree to that now) but she convinced me to save some of my money and now it’s paying off. She’s a good girl but lately her girlfriends have been getting engaged and married and now she’s starting to put some pressure on me to make a decision about our future. I can feel where she’s coming from but I’m just getting settled and I don’t know if I’m ready for that type of committment, right now. I think she is the one I want to marry – one day – but I’m not ready. Whenever I try to explain this to her, she starts crying and I just can’t take seeing her so emotional. I feel like I’m going to cave in but deep down I just don’t feel this is the right decision for me. What should I do? I don’t want to lose her but she won’t stop stressing me about this. It feels like it has to be all or nothing with her.
Wow… I can imagine the frustration on both ends. Let’s start with her point of view. I am sure she feels as though she has been investing her time, support and love into you for the past few years to help you get what you want and now its time for you to return the favor. If you have been exclusive during this time, it probably seems like getting engaged is the obvious next step. Seeing her friends, who may or may not have made the same level of investment, getting what they want -> the ring, the marriage, the husband – probably compounds the situation. You, on the other hand, seem grateful for what she’s done but may feel like you have been working hard to get this point and you just want to take a moment to take a deep breath before you take on the responsibilities of a family.
However, if you feel like she is the one that you possibly want to spend the rest of your life with, you all need to master one of the keys to a successful lifelong partnership – the art of compromise. I imagine that there have been situations in the past where she has used crying to get what she wants but guilt tripping you into a marriage is not a good start. She is going to have to sit down with you and each of you be honest about your current situation and where you see yourselves going in the future. If she really wants a lifelong commitment from you, she should want you to make it from your heart. However, I also think you need to be realistic about how long you expect her to wait for this commitment. Are you thinking six months, one year, three years? She needs to know so that she can determine whether she wants to wait it out or move on. I wish you both the best in this situation.
***Want more relationship advice from me? Buy “Is She The ONE?” on Amazon.com