Sitting here trying to work and this song by Kandi comes on… “I’m about to leave you for someone who will do the things you wouldn’t do…”
Oddly, the song made me giggle a little because I thought about a previous relationship that I was in and I guess the guy thought I should consider myself lucky to be with him and that he didn’t have to do the things to keep me that he did to get me…
Who hasn’t been there?
Anyway, it just reminded me of how liberated I felt when I decided that I was about to leave HIM and go find me someone who was willing to do all the things he wouldn’t do. I see so many women who stay in relationships knowing that they are not getting what they deserve (emotionally especially because I don’t have time to deal with the all the ways women short change themselves financially in relationships) but in their twisted logic, they feel that a piece of a man is better than no man.
Here’s my thing about that… why are you wasting your time??? It becomes very obvious to us – men and women – when things start to go down hill but we often hang on hoping and praying that something is going to change.
I was dating a guy and pretty early on he called me with the “its not you, its me” conversation. Although he was babbling about some nonsense issues he needed to work out, I appreciated the fact that he recognized my desire for something serious and his inability to provide that and instead of stringing me along; he had the guts to call and cut it off.
Life is too short to waste it pretending. I know that many people are caught in that flux between “do I settle for less than what I really want” or “do I hold out for that elusive perfect person” and my advice…
Don’t be afraid to compromise. There is no perfect person but there is someone who is perfect for you. Before singing “I’m about to leave you” or standing your ground; think about the 80/20 rule from “Why did I get married?” Are you being foolish hanging on to someone who is only giving you 20% or are you about to throw away your 80%?
In my first situation, I was only getting 20% and I knew that I couldn’t live like that. But in the second, the guy was far from perfect but he was a good 80% and I would have stayed to try to make it work but when he wanted to call it quits that early, I knew there was not a point in begging him to reconsider because he had already checked out.
Anyway, I gotta get back to work…