Is there a future in being a side chick?

Once again, I know the immediate answer is “no” but there has to be or there wouldn’t be so many of them.

Men and women have been unfaithful since the beginning of time but lately, I have wondered what is the benefit to being the chick on the side… I mean, how do you feel on holidays when you can’t be with your boo thang or when he has to rush home to go to bed with his wife? And if he isn’t doing those things, don’t you kinda wonder if he would be that disrespectful to you if you were the “main attraction” one day?

*closes eyes, covers ears*

When I was younger, I had relations with a married man.  It really was not all that it seems to be cracked up to be today.  I don’t know if I missed out on the benefit package but I *insert shocked face* consider myself a winner, a prize and knowing that MY man was going home to someone else, that her bills were paid and she was going to the holiday dinners and taking the family pics did not sit well with me… Needless to say, I was a salty side piece.

Even recently, I have had men who I know are in relationships approach me about being their side dish.  The first thing that comes to my mind is, “what is it about ME that makes YOU think I would settle for SECOND place?” Like seriously, I try to go all out in whatever I do and I can admit that I don’t always succeed but I don’t think I have ever attempted something thinking that I WANT to be second place.

Ok, enough of me… what is up with these chicks who WANT to be side chicks, who look for married or attached men?black and married with kids

Here’s the question I want to ask side chicks… Do you love yourself enough to trust and believe that you deserve ALL of the love that a man has to offer a woman? Can you unequivocally stand and say that you would wait a lifetime for a love to call your own or is the fear of not having anyone driving you into the arms of someone else’s man?

I don’t have the answers, but I have a lot of questions…

And, yes! We want to hear from the guys… What makes it ok to cheat on the woman who you supposedly love enough to commit to with a woman who you supposedly have no feelings for?  Isn’t it kinda arrogant to assume you deserve both and cowardly to not stand up and tell you main squeeze that you’re getting some juice on the side?


16 thoughts on “Is there a future in being a side chick?

  1. I can’t say for anyone else, but for me we were both married and took care of each others needs that the spouses left unmet. It got sticky when either of us wanted more. And eventually wasn’t worth the risk. But I miss him. I miss him like crazy.

    No way I could be the single side girl of a married man though. Absolutely not.


    • Yeah, Jackie I can honestly see the two married people because you each have someone to go home to but for the single woman… Even if she says that holidays and stuff don’t matter, eventually I think they will.


  2. FWJ IV says:

    It is not okay to cheat, it is not acceptable to break vows you made, but neither is any other sin that we commit. The Flesh is weak! When people cheat, there is something going on with them or the current relationship that is not right. Sometimes you have to dig deep in order to realize why we do destructive beahior, but there is always a reason. That is why we have to stay in prayer for ourselves and one another, but even the cheater is hurting.


  3. Shonda says:

    Very interesting post in light of this being a typical occurance in today’s society. While I don’t prefer being a side chick, I unfortunately have as I was longing for a love that wouldn’t be found in that relationship. I think it honestly depends on what a person really desire or expect to gain from being a side chick to determine if it’s really worth it to them.

    Jackie thanks for your comment and honesty. FWJ IV, if you are married or were married did you or your mate cheat? And if you’re a male, have you had a side chick?


    • Shonda, I think more women than may be willing to admit, have knowingly been a side chick at some point and it does seem to occur out of our desire to find someone, anyone to fill a void…


    • FWJ IV says:

      Shonda who says this is typical? The circles I travel in the men don’t have side chicks. STD’s, unwanted pregnacy and the risk of getting caught far out weigh the benefits of having a side chick. I am so scared of catching an STD that I don’t believe it is worth it the risk. You might catch something that will never leave you! So I am good on the side chick, because you don’t know who else the side chick is sleeping with and end up with an STD or worse a Baby Mama!


  4. I think it’s more about “what gives the side chick the right to hurt another person??” Ie the wife? Same goes for men. A spouse probably has grievances as we all do, no that doesn’t mean cheating is ok. But the mistress (married or not) doesn’t. Why does she think she’s worth a dime compared to the faithful spouse? By being the the other woman she proves she’s not. If you want to be front and centre in someone’s life make yourself worthy of it. Don’t act in a way that makes you not fit to lick her boots.


  5. Ms. Mary says:

    I’ve been a side chic to Chico (name changed) who’s married for 3 years. We have our ups and downs, but I always find myself going back to him. I’ve tried to leave him for other single guys, but it never works out. I’m in a city where the selection of single guys is horrible. There’s a match making service called “It’s Just Lunch” and they told me I would have to date guys in another city. Crazy!!! It’s hard out here even for a single girl with a good job, no kids, and a Masters degree. Me and Chico actually met through a close friend of mine. She invited me and other friends to his home for a BBQ. At the time, we were led to believe this house was his and that his “girlfriend” lived out-of-state. Of course, she was not at the party. About a week or two after the party, Chico sees me at the local gym and gives me his number. We start a relationship. Six months into the relationship, I find out that he got married three months prior. So after that bomb was dropped on me I started to some research. Come to find out, his wife is a medical doctor and she had bought that house when they were boyfriend and girlfriend and he was just living with her and her son from a previous marriage. Now Chico and her have a one-year-old daughter together. I’m not concerned about getting a STD or getting pregnant. We use condoms every time we have sex. He claims one of the reasons he cheats on his wife is because sex with her is boring and it doesn’t fill as good. I must admit, I have a tight kitty cat and give SupaHead. Even though the sex is AMAZING, I’m still hoping a better man will come along, but until then I’ll just be his bitch. I’m just keeping it real.


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