Are you afraid of being labeled a “gold digger”?

Steve Harvey presents a very interesting case for ‘gold diggers’ in his book, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man“…

To paraphrase Steve’s concept, he states that ‘gold digger’ is a term created by men so that they would not have to be accountable to financially providing for women…

By labeling a woman as a ‘gold digger’ if she asked a man for money, the woman would be deterred thus allowing the man to do what he pleased…

I find this mode of thinking interesting on so many levels…

First of all,  I know that some guys really think like this.  I remember dating a guy who would tell me stories about previous dating experiences where the woman asked him for money and the negative feelings he had associated with that.  I giggled because I knew where he was leading, otherwise what would be the point of him telling me this.  He was trying to discourage me from asking him for money so that I would not be labeled a ‘gold digger’.  Another guy kept complimenting me on being an independent woman who didn’t need him to do anything for me o_O I laughed at that because there was no way any man was going to get off that easy.  You think you’re going to be my man with no sense of obligation to me, for what???

On the other hand, I know some women who make gold digging a profession.  They don’t work but drive the nicest cars, live in fly spaces and demand (yes, demand) to eat at the most expensive restaurants.  They target guys who can afford them this lifestyle knowing that they have little to nothing outside of personal attention to provide in return.

Where does that leave us?

We have a group of men who are afraid of being used financially and a group of women with a primary motive of getting all they can get…

In the middle of these two groups are ordinary men and women seeking mutually beneficial relationships.  A woman who wants a man who will provide for her and act as the head of his household, not because she demands it but because that is the role of a man in a relationship. And then there’s the man who wants to treat his woman like a queen but he’s met so many imposters until it is almost impossible to tell the real thing when she comes along.

So now we have all of these independent women who don’t need a man to take care of them (neck rolling and all) and men who are skating on easy street with no sense of responsibility in a relationship.  Yep its all messed up…

Here’s the catch though… 

Most of the women claiming they don’t need a man, don’t have a man.  Most of a women that need a man so that they can maintain their standard of living, have a man.

Wonder why?

Because no matter what a man says, his primal instinct is to provide for his woman.  Most men will cheat on their wives to be with someone who makes them feel needed rather than taking for granted the things that they do.  Gold diggers may not have genuine feelings for their man but when he’s around, they make him feel like the best thing since sliced bread while all of the independent women act like they could care less if he’s around.

I’m not afraid of being labeled a ‘gold digger’…

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I have standards in a relationship.  I know what I want and what I deserve.  I don’t care how much money a man has or what type of car he drives but I do care about the role he desires to play in our relationship.  Does he see himself as a provider or does he think it’s every man/woman for themselves?  Does he make sure that I am taken care of or does he just assume that everything is ok?

Also… I dropped the independent woman label a long time ago because when you say you don’t need a man, you act like you don’t need a man. (Read I Don’t Need a Man).  I need a man because two is stronger than one when planning a future, raising a family and dealing with the turbulence of life.  I need a shoulder to cry on, a smile to gaze upon and laugh to share.  I don’t just want those things but I need them in my life because I believe that I will be greater when I have a King to make me his Queen.  Will I settle for any dude that comes along flashing a big wad or a nice smile, definitely not because I know my worth but I also won’t allow some dude to manipulate me into believing that he shouldn’t have to do anything for me or that would make me a gold digger…

Want more relationship advice from me?


4 thoughts on “Are you afraid of being labeled a “gold digger”?

  1. I love this post. I\’ve been labeled as a gold-digger because I have standards. In biblical times both parties brought something to the table. The bride had a dowry so that she could have the financial means to set up and run her home. I knew what I was bringing to the table and wanted someone who could pay the bride price—>back in the day it was the dollar amount paid by the groom to the brides family so that her parents would know the man was serious about the commitment and that he could take care of her. My engagement ring served as the commitment and I knew (and so did my parents) my then fiances potential in being able to be a good provider.

    All women need men. When you are effectively created as an extension of someone else, you need that other part. However, you are proof that a woman can walk in completeness until she is found. Great post!


    • Thank you so much, Makasha for that testimony. I don’t think enough single women believe that men should be held accountable to being a man. The female and male should have something to bring to the table in a relationship and especially if they are considering getting married.


  2. sunnydelyte21 says:

    I think I need to read Steve’s book… and this post rings true.

    I know I want a man that will make me feel secure, but being the head of the household and not leave me to do all. I want to be the neck that holds my man’s head up. I want a relationship where we work as a team…

    I’m learning now that I need a man… I was one of those I don’t need a man…blah blah blah… I’ve grown!! 🙂


  3. Jay says:

    Being called a goldigger killed my morale and demina.Men must take responsibilty of preaching and support their children specially when they are wealthy,rich ans stop making us to bow down for their nonsense. Very angry


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