For most people it seems that as soon as you find that special ONE, it starts raining men/women who are suddenly interested in you. While you were single and seeking, it seemed you couldn’t catch a mate but now every time you turn around someone wants to get with you. Lately, I have been wondering what makes a person decide to forsake the ONE who chose them and that they have committed to and step out to explore new territory.
- Fear – a lot of people are afraid of commitment but society has told us that we should be in a committed relationship with one person so we have a tendency to self sabotage and engage in destructive behavior as an escape mechanism, it sounds really complex but a lot of times this manifests within your subconscious and you won’t even realize that you are doing it until you come to a self-awareness about who you are and what you want which leads to what are you doing to get what you want and how are you hindering yourself from having what you want
- Curious – the grass seems greener on the other side but many people fail to realize that if they spent more time watering and tending to their grass, it could be just as green… you look across the room and see someone who instantly makes your mouth water in a way that your mate hasn’t done in a while but you’re not considering everything within that tasty package… this goes back to the 80/20 rule, you may never find someone who is 100% of what you are looking for but before you allow your curiosity to get the best of your relationship, ask yourself if you are willing to risk what you have at home because that tasty package may not be so yummy on the inside
- Overly confident – some people cheat because they don’t believe they will be caught, they think they are so slick that they can have their cake and eat it too… it amuses me when guys say; “I know you have a man but I can be your special friend.” “Really? How would you like it if your girl had a special friend?” It never fails that the guy ends up picking his face up off the ground. It’s almost as if they never considered what it would be like to have the shoe on the other foot. Sometimes we think that what we’re offering is so good that no one would leave us despite how foul we behave.
- Lack of respect – either you have a lack of respect for yourself (thinking you don’t deserve the true love of ONE person), for your mate (you know they’re not the ONE and don’t mind losing him/her) or for the relationship… regardless, if you don’t see the value in all three then you may have a recipe for failure… before you make a commitment to someone, ask yourself if this is really what you want and if you want it with the person that is offering it to you
- History – I am a firm believer that your past can influence your future. Some people don’t know what it truly means to be in a happy and healthy relationship. They have never seen one, don’t know anyone who has one and may not even believe that they exist. They believe that everyone is just as scandalous as they are and have no problem going forth breaking hearts and taking names. Sounds sad but it happens. Relationships are hard and until you have healed from past wounds and taken the time to explore what it means to be in a healthy relationship, you are very likely to cheat.
When I was younger, I didn’t think cheating was a big deal. I grew up around guys that would string along two or three girls and laugh at how gullible these females were to believe that they were the ONE. I made a vow to myself that I would never be one of those females so I would string along two or three guys so that I could laugh at how gullible they were to believe that they were the ONE but in the end, I realized that I was only hurting myself. When you are not able to fully share yourself with ONE person and build a solid relationship with that person then you are cheating yourself out of something special. Some people have one relationship to fill this need and another relationship to fill a different need but all of those relationships ultimately leave you fragmented.
If you have a tendency to be unfaithful in relationships, consider
- dating – take some time to get to know the prospects before you decide to commit
- doing a self-examination – if you say you want a committed relationship but you’re not doing the things to sustain one, take some time to look within and figure out where the disconnect is occurring… one of the above reasons could be contributing your infidelity
- educating yourself – I’ve heard people question why they should read relationship books and go to relationship seminars but if you don’t know how to do a thing, you need to learn how and relationships are no different
- talking to someone – you may have some issues in your past that you haven’t gotten over and that will make it difficult for you to trust another person enough to give them all of yourself. Sometimes you need professional help, you need someone who can help you sort through those issues and find closure before you move forward. Hurt people hurt people.
There are a million other reasons that people cheat and a billion other ways to not cheat… feel free to leave a comment with your thoughts.