I’ve been dating this guy for about four months. When we first started seeing each other, he would tell me how he wanted to take care of me and would describe the kind of life he wanted to provide for me. I thought I was in love and that he was the one I wanted to marry. About a month into the relationship, I started to see some signs that he may have been filling my head with a fantasy. I didn’t want to seem materialistic so I didn’t focus on it but it kinda bothered me that I was paying for our dates most of the time and that he would wake me up in the mornings to “borrow” some money for gas or his lunch. It seems like he is moving into my apartment but he doesn’t offer to help with any of the bills. I am really torn because whenever I ask him about money, he accuses me of being a gold digger and just like all of the other women who just want a man for his money. That’s not the case and I don’t know how to clearly communicate that to him.
It’s amazing how many times we know the answer to our own questions but lack the courage to implement the decisions that will create change in our lives. You already know that this relationship is not where you want to be. This has nothing to do with you being materialistic or not wanting to be a good partner but all to do with him not being honest with you and trying to manipulate your feelings. Whenever someone is unwilling to listen to what you have to say or is saying one thing and doing another; you should consider that a red flag. The issue is not about you giving him money but him asking to “borrow” money that I am assuming he never paid back and accusing you of being a gold digger because you need some financial assistance from someone benefitting from staying with you. It is even more disturbing that he painted this picture of wanting to “take care of you” knowing he didn’t have the financial means or the emotional desire to do so.
Being in a successful relationship requires that the parties are honest with one another and have boundaries. It sounds like your partner may be crossing a boundary that you are not comfortable with and he is not interested in talking to you about it. You sound confused about his financial status and unsure why you are being to asked to help him out. A good partner, man or woman, usually doesn’t mind supporting the other but it should be something that is mutually agreed upon otherwise one partner will feel like they are being used or taken advantage of. You need to have a conversation with him about his intentions in the relationship and the role that he wants to play in the future of your relationship. Be honest with him about what you are thinking and feeling. Also, be honest with yourself about his reaction to what you are saying…
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