This isn’t just about women but I will cite a female situation as my primary example…
How many times have you sat down and thought about what you want in a man? You have all of these qualities in your head and you are not willing to compromise. You know what you want him to look like, how you want him to dress and the lifestyle that you want him to be able to provide for you. And you are not willing to compromise.
However, when it comes to issues like does he go to church, is he willing and able to save, does he respect others… We sometimes make excuses like maybe he will start going to church with me one day, we can save together in the future and even think that this bad boy will turn good.
Looking back over your past relationships, you will possibly see some instances where you have compromised those things that are most important to you for those things that are least important. We are warned against making lists that describe our future mates because we should leave it in God’s hands and because the list can become a distraction. I agree and disagree. I think it is important for men and women to make a list of the values and beliefs that matter to them most and seek a mate who is in line with those thought processes and life choices. In the beginning a relationship can seem exciting because it is something new. We often overlook certain things to continue feeling hopeful and excited; however, having this list can help you to stay grounded during your euphoric state.
I am amazed at the number of people seeking fulfilling relationships and willing to dig their heels in the sand over looks, income and sexual compatibility but will overlook religious values, educational compatibility and family values. If you are having a hard time finding the ONE, sit down and look at your list. Think about what you want and who you are dating. Are the men/women that come in and out of your life compatible with the traits that are most important or least important to you?
My friends give me a hard time because I signed up for eHarmony a couple of years ago. After completing their personality profile, I was sent a series of “matches”. I wasn’t able to sift through profile pictures and find the one who was most aesthetically pleasing rather they matched me with men who had similar interests and beliefs as mine. As I went through the process, I was pleasantly surprised to have so much in common with my matches and it built the foundation of our conversations. Naturally, chemistry isn’t something that a computer system can account for so it was up to us to determine whether there was a basis for us to continue moving forward.
No, this isn’t a commercial for eHarmony (although I did meet a great guy – more about that some other time) but the process made me think about how many of us go about finding our mates. Are we basing our decisions on what’s inside the person or are we putting more focus on external characteristics that can change in a moment’s notice. There will always be someone more attractive, with more money and better in bed. You have to build your relationship on a solid foundation that can withstand any storm that may come between you.
You should be willing to compromise in your relationship but be aware of which traits you are compromising.