Relationship Q&A: Home for the holidays with him?

Her Question

I’ve been dating this guy for about 6 months.  We spend a lot of time together at my house and I love to cook for him and spend time with him.  I wanted to go home with him for Thanksgiving to meet his family but he didn’t invite me.  I kept hinting around about it but he ignored me.   I think he knew that I was upset because I didn’t see him the whole week of Thanksgiving.  He came back around after the weekend and acted like nothing happened.  I’m still pissed but think that I should give him another chance.  If he doesn’t invite me to meet his family for Christmas then we are breaking up.  What do you think?

My Answer

Wow… ummm…. well… first, its hard to judge a relationship based on a few sentences but I think there are some key questions that you should ask yourself about the relationship –

  1. You said that you all spend a lot of time together at your house.  Do you all ever go out on dates or hang out with each other’s friends?  If not, that may be a sign.
  2. Why were you hinting about him inviting you to meet his family instead of just coming out and asking him?  Were you afraid of being rejected?
  3. Why didn’t you talk to him about it when he returned?
  4. Finally, what’s the rush?  If you’ve only been seeing each other for six months, why is it so important for you to meet his family NOW?

I’m not a relationship expert but here is my amateur diagnosis.  You know that the relationship isn’t everything that it should be and you want to meet his family as a way to validate your position in his life.  He may not be interested because he doesn’t see the relationship as seriously as you do.  Rather than making ultimatums, it seems like you all need to have a serious conversation about the relationship as a whole to make sure you are on the same page.  Also, there may be some issues with his family that have nothing to do with you so don’t hinge the future of your relationship on meeting his family, especially within the first year.  A missing link in your situation seems to be open communication.

You turn… am I right or do you have a different opinion?  Leave your comment below…

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10 thoughts on “Relationship Q&A: Home for the holidays with him?

  1. Rob says:

    Another great response LaKesha. I’d also like to assume that this young lady has a thought in the back of her mind that she isn’t the only one this guy is dating and is trying to use the “meeting of family” as a way to confirm or refute this thought she has. Bottom line, the hints don’t work. Step your communication game up and talk about whats really going on. Good point about him having issues with his family. They may be too crazy and off the wall for him to feel comfortable enough to bring her around them. She may get scared off.

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  2. Dean Cantave says:

    Men being evasive early on and at any point in relationships is nothing new. I do agree very strongly that a conversation between the two needs to take place and as soon as possible AND… I also agree when LaKesha says why the rush! Why do women want things to take place so quickly?? It amazes me how some women are quick to call me and poor out their heart and intimate details and concerns about their relationships but they wont have that same conversation with their significant other! Get off of this blog and go ask him EXACTLY what you’ve asked here and you’ll get better answers than what we can provide 🙂

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  3. 6 months ain’t enough time to know someone well enough to meet the family. What is she thinking? And, why hasn’t she just told him she wants to meet his family? I don’t understand how people are grown enough to get naked with each other, but not grown to be truthful and straightforward about what they want from the relationship. She needs to chill and give the relationship time to grow. It would be a shame to meet his family and then breakup.

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  4. Women know where they stand in a relationship so her hinting about wanting to be with his family means one or two things. A)She knows it IS at that level and wants to push him to show it. OR B)She knows it ISN’T at that level and wants to push him to that level. Either way in a sense she is pushing and men don’t like to be cornered. A better way to handle the situation is to get out the house and invite him to one of your family events, if possible. That way he will know that you desire the interaction of the two of you with each other’s family. If he isn’t moving on you going to see his family then it’s either because he doesn’t want to or he hasn’t thought about it. It’s time you found out. But keep in mind it’s only been 6 months.

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  5. Benita says:

    After six months of dating a person should know whether or not they are ready to introduce their significant other to their family. Men don’t usually take their women around their family until they are ready to settle down in a relationship with that person. He may be the type of man who is slow moving in relationships so she needs to give him some time before making any drastic decisions.

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  6. kd says:

    I don’t think you can put a time frame on this. Some people are more open and trusting and optimistic, while others are more cautious, quiet and insecure. Those with social, welcoming upbringings would likely see it as normal to bring someone home for a family dinner on the 1st or 2nd date, meaning nothing more than “getting together with the gang” so to speak – because their family members are also their friends.

    Even though we all lived within about 20 miles of each other, when I announced my engagement (24 years ago), 3 of my brothers were dumbfounded because they didn’t even know I was seeing anyone! It was still a few weeks before Hubby met them. Not because anything was wrong with them or him, but simply because my brothers are not my “friends” with whom I share my life experiences.

    On the other side of the issue, a guy I met once on a blind date walked me to my car afterward, and said he couldn’t wait to introduce me to his family, that they will be so happy to know he has a girlfriend. Yikes! We had spent about 2 hours in a lounge filled with loud live music, with only about 15 minutes between sets to have a tiny bit of conversation. I had to explain that we didn’t know each other at all, and that one date with almost no conversation didn’t make us boyfriend/girlfriend. I felt sorry for him for not understanding that it takes a mutual emotional attraction to form a relationship, not just a simple acquaintance.

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  7. Harold Love says:

    The problem with agreeing to thanksgiving meet with the family is that you might obligate yourself to christmas and new years also. One issue that needs to be considered is maybe he doesn’t know how she would react to his family. The family may be problem and not the woman.

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  8. 2Kapacity says:

    If you have been “courted”, and seriously dating for 6 months, and don’t find yourself on your back everytime he comes over, then that’s PLENTY of time to meet parent’s, friends etc… What do you talk about while he’s over your house? I would assume the future would come up at some point in time?? 6months – 16months if she’s going to be in his life forever she’ll have to meet and deal them EVENTUALLY right?

    I think he’s stringing her along, and isnt trying to commit like that. Just taking what he can get/she gives.

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  9. Yes it has been 6 months but what else have you two accomplished in this 6 month time frame? Where is the communication? There shouldn’t be any ‘hints’ thrown about wanting to meet his family, JUST ASK! I never did get the whole ‘hinting’ thing, a closed mouth don’t get fed. Speak up!!

    He may not even like her that much to be introducing her to his family, she needs to slow down, take her time and not rush things. Pestering him about meeting his family just may turn him off and then their relationship is over.

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