Relationship Q&A: Should I have a threesome?

Another new segment for my blog…  I receive some questions offline from readers or listeners of the radio show and I have decided to share the responses with you all.  Don’t worry… if you submit a question, I will never reveal your identity.  Email your questions to


My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years and I want to get married soon.  His birthday is coming up and he says that he wants to have a threesome with one of my friends.  I don’t want to lose him but I don’t feel comfortable doing this… What should I do?


I think you already know the answer to your question but I will give you my opinion anyway.  You start out by stating how long you have been together and your desire to get married, however your boyfriend wants to bring one of your friends into your bedroom.  This does not sound like the recipe for a successful relationship.  If you are not even married and he is already interested in exploring outside of your relationship sexually, I am doubtful that he is ready to fully commit to you.

I am all for doing what it takes to please your man but if you find yourself in a position or being asked to do something that you are not entirely comfortable with, you need to discuss it with him and not pretend to be ok with something that you are not.  If you can’t be honest about this situation, it makes me wonder what other feelings you are suppressing in hopes of getting the ring.  You need to seriously consider whether this is the relationship that you want to be in for the rest of your life or if you are just ready to be with “someone” and afraid to step out and find the right relationship for you.

Second, if you decide that you are ok with bringing another person into your relationship, you need to be sure that you have a solid foundation first.  There are couples in this country that have open relationships, participate in swinging or whatever; but those activities can cause problems in your relationship because you may think that  it’s only sex but if you already have some insecurities or unresolved issues, these activities can magnify those problems.

I can’t tell you what you should or should not do but… whatever you choose to do, do it because it what you want to do, it is within your value system and because it will help you to become the person that you want to be.

Your turn… am I right or do you have a different opinion? Leave a comment below.


5 thoughts on “Relationship Q&A: Should I have a threesome?

  1. Great response.
    I think there are two things that stand out 1.the value system statement 2. How does the action help u become who you want to be. 1. If there’s any action that I am considering that makes me question my value system I shoot it down. Our value system is our conscience and if we start questioning our conscience we’ll be heading into a downward spiral.
    2. I don’t think the threesome will benefit the young lady at all but rather destroy her friendship with her friend and open the door in her relationship for trouble beyond recognition.
    Saying yes to the threesome means saying yes to any other thing she may be uncomfortable with in the future.


  2. You are absolutely right. A threesome can add excitement and pleasure to a sexual relationship. That said, both parties must be aware of the consequences of inviting another person into their bed, sharing their sexual energy, and neither person should push the other one or make the other one feel obligated to do something they’re not completely comfortable doing. Doing so can cause a lot of problems.

    The decision is hers. But, it sounds like she isn’t in to it.


  3. Great response! Like you said, she already knew the right answer but was trying not to face it. She needs to lose him as it seems evident from her tone they are not on the same page. She will meet her prince and he will not ask her to do things that will debase her just to please him and his fantasy.


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