Friends before lovers…

Sometime wanna be your lover Sometime wanna be your friend....

For the past couple of weeks, that song by Ludacris (everyone who knows me, knows that I LOVE Ludacris) with Usher and Lil Jon, “Lovers and Friends” has been stuck in my head.

I have so many relationship theories and ideas why we have such a hard time finding the ONE but I think my biggest problem is that I don’t really want a lover, I just want a friend.  It seems like when I meet a guy and think that I have found someone that I am going to enjoy getting to know, the pressure gets put on for me to decide whether we are going to be intimate or not.  To make matters worse, it seems like guys expect you to WANT to give it up if they take you out or put the label “girlfriend” on you.  I am usually more attracted to a guy who takes his time and allows me to make a move toward him rather than him being on full press.  I guess this can seem frustrating because in the guy’s mind, he is probably thinking that he may never get it if it doesn’t happen NOW.

I like the idea in the title, Lovers and Friends.  You can’t put so much focus on being my lover that you never get to know me or what I’m all about but then again, I guess as a guy you don’t want to get stuck in the friend zone either.

Hmmm… I wonder where the happy medium is?  Maybe that’s the key to a successful relationship – finding the balance between being lovers and friends.

I’m not really sure who or what I’m looking for (Ludacris is a great start *fanning self*) but as he would say, “Sometime wanna be your lover sometime wanna be your friend, Sometime wanna hug hold hands slow dance while the record spins.”  As for me,  most of the time… I just wanna be friends.

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3 thoughts on “Friends before lovers…

  1. Dean Cantave says:

    Women are ALWAYS saying how they want to put guys in the “friend” category and we all know what that’s about. You put him in the friend category so he can be someone you call when you need something… basically using him for your own needs and as a woman I can understand that. But just as YOU have needs a man also has needs… so even though you may need a good friend, if he’s interested in you than you can’t be bothered when the topic of intimacy comes up!

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  2. Rob says:

    I think a lot of it has to do with expectations as well as definition. Our exppectations don’t always line up from one person to another and when it doesn’t, unexpectedly, things start to fall apart. Then there is the way you define boyfriend, girlfriend, “just” friends… with benefits, etc. I could say to a lady friend, that I don’t really expect us to sleep together until we have been a couple for 6 months and in my mind that began from the first time we kissed. She could be cool with that but in her mind “couple” status doesn’t begin until I’ve met her parents. So confusion sets it, expectations aren’t met, and what each thought was one way is something totally different.

    Constant communications and talking the tough issues is so important. Be up front and transparent about it all.

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  3. Roderick Frizzelle says:

    I’m mad @ Ludacris.. LOL

    ~ I wonder where the happy medium is? ~

    Is there ever a happy medium in relationships? I’m not sure… To me it is finding the balance between what will make you happy and what you are willing to work on… As long as you are happy with yourself and the situation.. And you listen to your divine instincts… Everything should be fine…

    Friends is a great place to start… 🙂

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