Are you in the friend zone?

Don’t you just hate it when you find someone who you like and in an attempt to “play it cool” you find yourself in the friend zone.  Your intention is to get in the end zone and score but somehow, somewhere your plan went wrong.  How do you recover?  Check out my five tips to move from the friend zone to the end zone.

  1. Check yourself. Before you change the dynamics of what could be a great friendship, seriously ask yourself if this is what you really want.  Sometimes we idealize a relationship with a friend because we are so comfortable around them, have a lot in common and feel that they will be the perfect person to have a relationship with.  Relationships are much deeper than friendships and the intimacy can change the dynamics of your friendship.  Be sure that you are ready to accept these changes and the possible consequences such as what will happen to your friendship if the relationship doesn’t work out.
  2. Don’t move too fast. You don’t want to scare your friend away by being too aggressive so take it easy.  Don’t play yourself and go straight for a kiss or suggest a sexual encounter.  You may be rebuffed or end up in the booty call zone. Neither are considered a score.
  3. Ask questions. If you are in the friend zone, take advantage of your position to see if your friend is even interested in a relationship.  Not just with you but with anyone.  If they aren’t and you try to make a move, you could create confusion and cause them to back away from the friendship.  You  may find that it is to your advantage to hold out in the friend zone a little longer, until they are ready to get involved with someone.  Make sure you don’t miss your window of opportunity and they end up dating someone else.
  4. Step it up. Stop playing the friend and start doing things that involve more one on one time rather than group activities or platonic activities.  When I am hanging out with a friend, there is no physical contact and we just chill.  If I am with someone that I am interested in, I am more likely to brush against their shoulder or find some way to casually touch them.  This subtle physical contact is a sign of your interest.  Also, make flirty suggestions, not sexual (again not aiming for the booty call zone) to hint at your interest in your friend.  Although they may not initially catch on, it will definitely plant the seed and their reaction will tell you if there is any interest.
  5. Talk about it. This is one of the most obvious strategies but also most overlooked.  By sitting down and having an honest, adult conversation you may find that your friend has been having the same thoughts or you may find that there is no interest.  You have to put on your big girl/boy undies to have this conversation because there is a 50-50 chance that this conversation will turn out really well or not so well.  You may have received some signs to increase your probability in either direction but having the conversation is essential to moving to the next level.  Hint: having sex or an intimate moment does not mean you have moved from the friend zone, you may have just become a friend with benefits.

One thought on “Are you in the friend zone?

  1. What a great blog that is full of reality concerning relationships in this earthly system. I do believe it is vital to have friendship and companionship before advancing into other degrees of relationship, that way both parties will know what each others expectations and then decide to continue or not.



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