Is online flirting considered cheating?

I love polls!  Why?  Because they allow you to sample the opinions of a population without having to directly communicate with the person therefore you get anonymous feedback.  Comments are great but how many times have you wanted to say something but knew it wasn’t the “right” thing so you held back.  Last week’s poll, presented some very interesting results…

The question ~~~ is online flirting considered cheating?  Yes and no… what does that mean?  It means that it depends on the relationship.  We often approach relationships and situations with absolute views.  We know exactly where we stand and we are not moving.  There is nothing wrong with that.  The problem arrives when you don’t communicate your views with the other person in your situation.

For some people a little flirting on Twitter or Facebook is harmless because they like the attention.  They like to make people smile.  There is no way that they would advance past that but getting the extra attention makes them feel like they are still attractive and wanted.

For others, the thought of crossing the between personal and personable is unheard of.  They feel like once you open the door, someone is bound to attempt to walk through it.

Personal story: I was dating this guy back when MySpace was popular.  The guy had some serious trust issues so he would set up fake profiles to connect with me and try to get me to go out on dates with the fake people.  It didn’t take long for me to catch on because the profiles had some weird similarities even though he tried to make them different.  At the time, I was in a new city and trying to build my professional network so I was open to talking to a variety of people, men and women.  If someone wanted to meet, like people usually do when you communicate with them over a period of time, I would suggest a breakfast or lunch meeting.  I didn’t consider my actions to be cheating because I was communicating with professional people about professional topics and planning to meet during business hours.  To me, there was nothing wrong with what I was doing because I considered it networking.  Because of bad experiences in his past, he didn’t see it that way.

Many relationships have “issues” because the couples don’t honestly communicate their expectations.  If you think online flirting is considered cheating, then it is.  If you think that it isn’t, then it isn’t.  But when you are in a relationship, it isn’t just about what you think.  You have to come a consensus with the other person.  What happens when you don’t agree?  You have to work out a compromise or decide if this is really the person that you want to be in a relationship with.  Preferably this conversation should occur before you are in a committed relationship.

Let’s take a step back and discuss “honestly communicate your expectations.”  The worst thing you can do is be dishonest about your intentions with another person.  Although you may feel like you are sparing their feelings by saying what they want to hear, you are causing more damage because when they find out the truth they will be doubly devastated and trust is very difficult to regain once it’s been lost.  I’ve known people to go along with what one partner wants just to make them happy but as soon as they turn their back, they are doing what they want to do.  It is not the action that destroys the relationship, which in this case would be the act of flirting online, but the fact that you are violating the relationship by doing something you know is offensive.  Trust and respect are earned when they are first given.

Want to read more about communicating with your partner and building a solid, long-term relationship? Order “Is She The ONE?” from It’s not just for guys… there is a lot of useful information for men and women as well as some great stories.


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