I’ve noticed quite a few posts and blogs about interracial dating and even had a request for me to express my views on interracial dating so here goes.
I have never discriminated against a guy who wanted to date me because of his race or even his finances (that’s another post for another day). I tend to judge a guy based on the way he treats me and not how his race has performed in the past. With that being said, I have dated guys of African, Caucasian, Chinese, Middle Eastern and Indian decent. Each guy came with his own baggage but I don’t believe it was related to his race rather his individual personality.
One of the issues that I found myself wondering about is not dating outside of my race but marrying outside of my race. Dating is one thing because you are casually seeing each other and spending time together but dating at my age should lead to a lifelong union. Being a southern girl makes it a little difficult to imagine this possibility, not because of my personal feelings about other races but because:
- I have four families: one is country, one is ghetto, one is bougie and the other is just southern. I won’t let you know which is which but if you ever meet them you will be able to determine for yourself. When I date a guy, I tend to close my eyes and imagine him navigating through these worlds with me. Sometimes my eyes jolt open quickly with a look of horror on my face. I can’t imagine being married to someone that would not fit in or feel comfortable around all of my family members.
- Southern girls like soul food. I have become adept at eating other cuisines and can find something on any menu that will be appealing to my palate but my idea of Sunday dinner is something like fried chicken, collard greens, corn bread, macaroni and cheese and some type of dessert. I will always enjoy other foods but if you ask about my favorite…
- Three sets of my four families are members of the AME Zion denomination. It’s not impossible that I would switch denominations because love makes you do crazy things but the likelihood of me making the transition would require a lot of thought and commitment.
- It’s a hair thing… There are some aspects of the Black experience like why I have to get a perm every four weeks, why I don’t wash my own hair, why I tie my hair up with a scarf at night, why I grease my scalp, etc that I just don’t want to have to explain or to be scrutinized about.
- I don’t deal with racist people very well. I once worked for a guy that I found out was racist and was openly using racial slurs when I wasn’t around. Needless to say, I felt it was my duty to confront him about it. I dated a guy once who wouldn’t introduce me to his parents because they couldn’t accept him dating a Black woman. I am nothing to be ashamed of personally or professionally and don’t believe anyone should have to make an exception for me in any situation. I fear being put in this situation and not being able to have a relationship with my in-laws or feeling as if they are “tolerating” me.
Interracial dating has always been a part of my dating history, the issues that I have described my sound superficial but glazing over them maybe okay in the short term but for me, they may cause problems in the long term. All of the issues described above are also applicable for intraracial dating, they just happen to be magnified when dating outside of my race.