I don’t mean this in an incestuous way but more times than not, boys date women that remind them of their mothers and girls tend to date guys that remind them of the fathers. This may seem gross or weird to some people but it actually makes sense. Our definition of “normal” is defined by the environment that we grow up in. If you live in a household where there is a lot of arguing and chaos then you will think that arguing is how you communicate with other people and that having chaos in your life is normal.
You have probably heard of women having “daddy issues.” When a father treats her daughter like a princess then she will seek men who treat her like a queen because her value has been established by the first man to truly love her. Women who don’t grow up with a father have a tendency to date men who seem like father figures because they are seeking the type of love that they never knew. Not only do women’s relationship patterns originate with their father’s, they also stem from the examples set by their mothers. It breaks my heart to see women, with daughters, in abusive relationships or being serial daters in front of their little girls. I know people think that they have the right to live their lives the way that they want to but when you become a parent, you are setting an example for your children. How they see you handle situations is going to be how they think they should handle the issues that arise in their lives.
The same can be said for men having “mommy issues.” Some women go overboard with taking care of sons and they don’t realize that they are handicapping their sons for the future. It is not very realistic, based on the current situation in our society, that a man will find a woman who will be as doting and indulgent as most mothers are. I don’t mean that you should not pamper your little boys, because I do, but I think at some point in his life he has to learn what it means to be a man and to play the role of the man, which is to be a provider. As a single mother, I know all to well that there are some lessons that I will not be able to teach my son but I also can’t be so protective of him that I don’t allow the men in my family to step in and teach him these lessons. I actually encourage his uncles to talk to him and do things with him because kids learn by example. His manhood will be validated by the men in his life and not by his mother. As a father to a son, you also have a responsibility to lead by example. I once heard a speaker say that when he meets young boys, he asks them who is the most God fearing and honest man that they know. He says that if they answer anyone other than their father, he tells the father that he is doing a bad job.
Children date their parents. Not in a literal sense but definitely based on the examples set by the primary role models in their life. Take a quick assessment of your relationship and your relationship with your children and see if you are setting the example for the type of relationship that you hope they will emulate in the future.