Success Secret #14

This is another one of those hard life lessons.  I believe it is one of the reasons people have such hard times in relationships.  They don’t realize that people don’t change.  Sorry, had to give you the secret up front…  Success Secret#14 ::: people don’t change.

When I say people don’t change, that doesn’t really mean that someone won’t ever grow but I am saying you have to learn to accept the possibility that they won’t ever do anything different than what they are doing today and be able to live with that.  This lesson has helped me to deal with many situations because I start to think that someone may grow from an experience and they don’t.  I find myself disappointed but I shouldn’t be because I should not expect anyone to be any more than they are at this point in their life and hope that they don’t expect any more of me. 

Have you ever seen a pattern within one of your friends and a situation came up and you knew how they were going to act but you really tried to expect the best but they ended up doing exactly what you expected?  It kind of hurt.  Accepting that people don’t change is one of the best antidotes to that hurt.  I have begun to expect that people will do what follows their natural tendencies.  When they behave as I know they probably will rather than as I hope or wish them too, I don’t feel let down.  I try to love people just as they are, wherever they are in life.  Doing so allows me to celebrate their success and support them during times of difficulty because I have no expectations for anyone’s life other than wishing them all the best.

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3 thoughts on “Success Secret #14

  1. At the end of my 4 years in undergrad, a professor put together a video which included a compilation of interviews some of us participated in. One question was “What’s one thing you learned while you were here?” and my answer, included in the video, was “Don’t expect more from people than they can give,” which I think is exactly what you’re saying here.

    I learned that people don’t change — and for sure I can’t change anyone. There’s no need in setting another up for failure and me up for disappointment when I can see the writings on the wall. As you say, obviously this doesn’t mean I don’t believe people are good, or that people don’t mature — but I don’t expect that, especially when their shortfalls are constant and consistent.

    One of my favorite Maya Angelou quotes is “When people tell you who they are, believe them the first time.” It’s so true. We always want people to be better and do better, but they don’t always do that and the only person who really suffers is us.

    Right now, I have a friend who continues to do exactly what I expect her to and thought it’s not disappointing, it’s still hurtful. You think you’re capable of choosing “better” people and then you realize they’re all human, too. As I told her, I can’t believe what you’re saying because what you’re doing is in direct contradiction.

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  2. deckmix says:

    i heard a funny quote that goes something like this:
    “women stay with men hoping things will change; men stay with women hoping things will never change.” harhar?

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  3. I agree 100%! I’ve learned through years and experience that people don’t just become better or who you want them to be for you they have to do it for themselves. Unfortunately, sometimes they don’t want anything more. When it comes to any type of relationship realize that if you want something from the other person and they don’t deliver it’s either because they can’t or they won’t. Either way you must accept them or move on.

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